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Maple Syrup and Conciseness

9/20/2018

2 Comments

 
A Maple Tree forest in winter with metal pails attached to each tree. There is snow on the ground and a large wagon wheel in the foreground.
Syrup
Like many Canadians, my family enjoys maple syrup on a variety of foods: pancakes, French toast, porridge, and even the occasional stir-fry. 

Recently, I learned it takes 40 gallons of tree sap to make one gallon of maple syrup. This is because the excess water has to be boiled away to get the rich, woodsy flavor so many love.

​Conciseness
Like syrup, writing can be condensed to its sweetest, most powerful elements. Look at the following examples to see what I mean:

“In my view, life is appearing to me like it is too short to always be spent in nursing a sense of animosity or registering a long list of wrongs that have been done.”

Like unrefined sap, this example contains excess volume, detracting from the power of the sentence. Here are some excessive elements I see:

1. Lengthy verbs “is appearing” vs. “appears”
2. Modifiers that add little meaning “always” and “a long list of”
3. An unnecessary opening “In my view”

Look at what happens when the excess is removed:

“Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.”

The final result is striking and powerful, and I can’t claim credit for it. It was written by Charlotte Bronte, the author of Jane Eyre.

The great writers, like Charlotte Bronte, craft memorable sentences because they boil down words to their most powerful elements. Concise writing draws and sustains a reader’s attention.

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Dustin Stevens, MA
Online Teacher and Writing Consultant  
 
p: 651-318-6004 
w: stevenseducation.com 
 
 
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2 Comments
apple grace barnuevo
12/8/2020 04:21:56 pm

This is great Mr. Dustin! I love to learn more from you. keep it up!

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Stanley Beamish
4/11/2022 06:22:47 am

While routinely perusing the Internet for good vocabulary tests I came across this wonderful site. Keep up the good work!
Although I come from a completely different background (engineer), I've been dismayed at the lack of diligence in teaching vocabulary in modern education. I teach my daughter that words comprise concepts and consequently are the building blocks of proposition and abstract thought. Vocabulary enables one to express oneself more effectively. Think of it as if you are constructing a conceptual wall from stone; each word represents precisely the right idea at the correct level. Basic words and concepts form the base of the wall and support it while more artful and complex ones fill out the remainder. Conversely, if one has but a rudimentary vocabulary, one may not be able to precisely understand sophisticated writing or speech and therefore be relegated to "jisting" or imprecise understanding of the communication. An expansive vocabulary, combined with practised communication, expands one's mind and immediately telegraphs to others an the possession of extraordinary intellect.

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    Photograph of Dustin Stevens.

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    I'm an online English teacher and writing consultant.

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  • Home
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